Becoming a mum

Motherhood is a transformative journey, filled with joy, challenges, and profound changes that often go beyond what many expect. Our Busylizzy instructor, Lucy Wylde, who is a passionate Matrescence Activist, recently shared insights on this journey, drawing from her training with Amy Taylor-Kabbaz, a well-known author, podcaster, and mother of three. In this post, we delve into the concept of matrescence—the often-overlooked process of becoming a mother—and explore ways to navigate the emotional and physical shifts that accompany it.

What is Matrescence?

Just as adolescence marks the developmental transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence represents the shift from womanhood to motherhood. The term was first coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in 1973, but only recently has it gained attention as a crucial concept to help mothers understand and process the extensive changes they experience. Matrescence isn’t just the immediate period after giving birth; it’s an ongoing journey that begins pre-conception and evolves as your child grows.

Understanding matrescence can be transformative for new mothers, as it provides a framework to make sense of the overwhelming changes in identity, emotions, relationships, and lifestyle. Here are some of the ways matrescence impacts new mums and how awareness can ease the transition.

The Emotional Impact of Motherhood

The emotional landscape of new motherhood is complex and often contradictory. Many new mums experience:

• A strong sense of love and connection to their baby, coupled with a desire for personal space—a conflict that can trigger feelings of guilt.
• An inner division between the person they were before motherhood and the new identity as a mum. Balancing past ambitions and current responsibilities can feel like a challenge.
• Body image changes, with feelings of admiration for the body’s strength but also struggles with post-pregnancy changes like weight gain, stretch marks, and shifts in posture or mobility.
• A heightened emotional sensitivity that makes new mums more empathetic yet more vulnerable to overwhelming emotions. This can lead to moments of tears over news stories or a touching commercial—things that may have felt trivial before motherhood.

These changes can feel isolating, especially when those around you may not fully understand or recognise what you’re going through. However, recognising that you’re not alone in these feelings can be incredibly reassuring.

The Social and Economic Shifts

Matrescence often brings about major changes in relationships, finances, and social dynamics:

• Relationships with family and friends may evolve, as your priorities shift and time becomes limited. Some people in your life may struggle to understand your new role as a mother.
• Economic changes are also common, as many new mums experience a shift in financial independence. Maternity leave, childcare costs, and reduced income may lead to new financial dependencies, which can be challenging.
• Career identity may feel less defined. For mothers who were dedicated to their careers, this can be a particularly challenging adjustment, often bringing an “identity split” between the working professional and the full-time mum.

Understanding matrescence as a normal developmental phase can help mitigate these challenges, allowing mothers to accept and express their feelings without guilt or shame.

Why We Need to Talk About Matrescence

Motherhood is one of life’s biggest changes, yet society rarely acknowledges it as a process with lasting developmental impacts. By talking about matrescence, we can better prepare for this transition and offer mothers the support they need. Recognising matrescence can also help families and friends better understand and empathise with new mums, creating a supportive environment.

Many cultures understand that raising a child “takes a village.” But in our fast-paced, individualistic society, new mums often find themselves without that essential support network. This is where understanding matrescence becomes even more critical—by recognising this shift and normalising the challenges that come with it, we can support each other more effectively.

Finding Your Support Network

At Busylizzy, we recognise the importance of a supportive community for mums and mums-to-be. Our classes, events, and workshops are designed to provide a space for new parents to connect, share experiences, and support each other through this beautiful yet challenging journey. Understanding matrescence can be a valuable tool in building that community and fostering self-compassion and acceptance.

In summary, matrescence is an essential, yet under-discussed phase of motherhood. By acknowledging this journey, mothers can better understand themselves, communicate their needs, and build the support network they deserve. As a Busylizzy member, you’re joining a community that values the holistic well-being of mums, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.